Dilbert Strips Collecter’s Corner

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This page lists some unusual Dilbert strips. If you know of others, please let me know and I will add them here.

Jump to: Versions, Robots Read News, Dilbert Originals, Other Originals, Mistakes, Non-Book Strips

Versions

These are alternative versions to what was published in newspapers, although in some cases, the alternative version was the one published. Most of these are due to Scott’s delightful sense of humour being too much for newspaper editors who want to protect their readers.

Ontario Psychologists 2023-01-08

A preview of a strip scheduled for publication on 2023-01-30. Dogbert worries the College of Psychologists of Ontario will pull his license. Dogbert does not have a license and doesn’t live in Canada. The College is oddly aggressive.

CEO Politics 2021-05-06

A sneak peek of a forthcoming strips, inspired by Elon Musk, and in black-and-white. One strip has Catbert saying the Board wants to fire the CEO for speaking out about politics. The CEO offers a C-level human sacrifice instead. The other strip has the CEO telling Dilbert the company needs to get more involved in controversial politics. Dilbert is worried that might have an effect on the company’s earnings.

Disinfecting Keyboards 2021-02-03

A sneak peek of a forthcoming strip. The preview shows only the dialogue, where Dilbert tells the Boss he fired all the software vendors and erased the hard drives as ordered. The Boss says he was disinfecting his keyboard and must have sent the message by accident. This was a preview of the strip published 2021-03-13.

Vacation Usage 2021-02-03

A sneak peek of a forthcoming strip. The preview shows only the dialogue, saying that the Boss is telling Dilbert to use his alloted vacation days, even though there is nowhere to go because of the pandemic. This was a preview of the strip published on 2021-03-11.

Dogbert versus Baby Yoda 2020-12-10

A panel that previews a forthcoming strip. Dogbert, wearing a white lab coat and a red necktie, is introducing himself to the Boss, saying, “I’m Dogbert, Doctor of the Impossible.” This turns out to be the first panel of the 2021-02-07 strip. The strip has nothing to do with Baby Yoda, though.

Camera is On 2020-10-26

A panel that previews a forthcoming strip on the Jeffrey Toobin embarassment. The Boss, sitting in front of his laptop, reminds Wally that his camera is on. This turns out to be from the 2020-12-03 strip.

Wearing Masks 2 2020-05-11

A colour drawing of Tina, Dilbert, and Wally wearing facial masks while sitting at a meeting room table. They are not physical-distancing. This is a panel from the strip published on 2020-07-12.

Wearing Masks 2020-04-20

A black-and-white rough drawing of a closeup of Dilbert, the Boss, and Wally, wearing facial masks. Scott says not having to draw noses saves a ton of time. This is a panel from the strip published on 2020-05-20.

Working at Home 2020-03-25

Scott announces that Dilbert will soon be working at home (probably because of the Covid-19 virus isolation) with a colour sketch of Dilbert and Dogbert sitting on a couch with some pillows. Dilbert is holding a cup of coffee, and no dialogue. Update: This turns out to be a panel published in advance from 2020-05-31.

Uber Driver 2016-03-01

A rough version of the strip was published on 2016-01-06. The rough version had the finished dialogue and rough pencil sketches for the characters, Asok and Wally. This strip was part of the six-week “Vacation Artist” period, so was likely a strip supplied to the artist for them to draw. In this case, the artist was John Glynn.

Do No Harm 2015-09-04

A strip showing the too violent version and the published version. The too violent version ended with Alice, having punched through the back of the robot’s head, saying “Remember how I argued that robots should not have rear sensors? This is why.” The published version had her saying “I gave you the personality of a guy.”

Not Genuine 2014-12-17

Scott had some Windows problems and had to phone tech support. From that, he created a strip (published on 2015-03-01) and published a preview of the first two panels.

Bitcoin Thief 2014-04-02

Scott published to first two panels of an upcoming strip on 2014-02-13. The first two panels are Dogbert describing how he will steal bitcoins from dumb criminals. The third panel reads “This panel will be available 4-2-14”

Desiccated Crone 2013-10-30

Another alternative ending that was deemed too strong. The Boss hires a desiccated crone to teach the engineers to eat with manners. The rejected version has Alice saying “this class is a big fork cue.” The published version contains “When I’m too lazy to make a shiv?”

Tooting My Own Horn 2013-08-31

Dilbert says he doesn’t like tooting his own horn to get the credit he deserves. Wally says he likes tooting his own horn and the implication is that Wally is referring to masturbation. Scott marked it as a rejected comic so was never published in newspapers.

Bank Deposit 2012-07-14

Scott makes fun of banks when Dilbert makes a deposit. The bank teller says honesty “makes cross-selling harder” in the published version and an early version has “makes cross-selling a bitch.”

Head Industry Regulator 2010-08-20

An excerpt from the first panel of the strip published on 2010-08-20, showing the CEO pointing to a very small man in his shirt pocket. A line indicating dialog is shown, but the panel is too small to show any words.

Suck Harder 2008-04-03

An early version of a strip published on 2008-04-03. The published version says “Do you have any tasks that don’t feel like getting waterboarded on your birthday?” The early version says “Do you have any tasks that don’t suck harder than a hole in the International Space Station?”

How to Calm a Child 2007

A draft of an unpublished strip. The caption reads “bring your kid to work day”, with the child telling Dilbert he can’t find his mommy and is scared. Dilbert says to calm down because there are a hundred ways you could get killed here. Not counting accidental. The kid panics.

Move the Turd 2007-11-27

The early version of this strip replaced the words “move the hairball to another pocket” with “move the turd to another pocket.” Scott says he wants to get a strip published containing the word “turd.”

Turtle Head 2007-10-06

An early version of this strip replaced the phrase “wino’s spittle of unsupported conclusions” with “turtle’s head of unsupported conclusions.” From the middle panel.

Spray Paint a Turd 2007-09-15

An early version of this strip replaced the phrase “It’s my job to spray paint the roadkill.” with “It’s my job to spray paint the turd.” From the first panel.

Headquarters Design 2007-08-27

A ruder version of the strip. The dialog in the published version reads: “CEO: What’s this part that looks like a horse’s rump? Dogbert: That’s the entrance to the executive suite.” The ruder version reads: “CEO: Oh, my! Dogbert: Too scrotal?”

Coffee-Swilling Beaver Final Panels 2007-08-17 and 2007-08-18

The final panels from the strips about a coffee-swilling beaver were published, on 2007-08-17 and 2007-08-18.

Chair Buttocks 2007-04-24

Alice is visting a doctor about her case of chair buttocks. The published version shows Alice with her feet on the floor, while leaning over the examination table while the doctor looks at her buttocks. An early version shows her on her hands and knees on the examination table. Another panel I’ve seen shows a close-up of the doctor’s head right up Alice’s rear end.

Ashtray-Head’s Research 2007-03-29

Ashtray-head is doing some research about being a good manager. In the final panel, he is shown reading a “Cat Fancy” magazine while sitting on a toilet. The published version shows this from his waist up. An early version shows him from a little lower angle.

Diet Guru 2007-01-06

Dogbert gives the Boss some diet advice. The final panel in the published version reads: “Dogbert: Stop eating or I’ll kill you. The Boss: Would I get a last meal?” The early version reads: “Dogbert: If looking like a walrus with diabetes doesn’t motivate you, I don’t think you want to know what Plan B is.”

Where Marketing Data Comes From 2006-11-21

The original showed a marketing person with an ass for a head pulling a document out of his head. The published version had the ass on the top of his head covered by underpants and the document coming out through the waistband. Stick to Drawing Comics, Monkey Brain!, page 265.

Asok’s Butt 2006-06-24

The original drawing showed Asok’s naked butt. The editors thought that too many people would complain so the comic was redrawn with underpants. The underpants showed the outline of Asok’s buttocks, but no-one complained. Stick to Drawing Comics, Monkey Brain!, page 130.

Porn is too Strong a Word 2006-03-05

Scott’s editor objected to the use of the word porn (“There’s too much porn on your hard drive”) and so suggested smut to replace it. Scott published just the one panel containing the word in question, not the whole strip, on 2006-01-23.

It Keeps Uranus Warm 2006-04-03

This one snuck by the censors but some newspapers’ editors changed Uranus to Pluto. So Scott claims, tho’ I haven’t seen the changed one to verify.

Photo on Stapler 2006-04-03

Another strip that was published on the same day as “It Keeps Uranus Warm.” It was published in at least two newspapers that day, likely to avoid the offensive strip. In it, Alice asks permission to put the Boss’ picture on her stapler. The Boss says he doesn’t usually allow personal items on desktops, but will make an exception here. The final panel shows Alice mangling paper with the stapler with the caption “Eat paper, you ignorant parasite! Ha ha ha!!!”

Internet is Full 2006-02-22

This strip was adapted, with changed dialog, into a 404 page. The Boss asks about a 404 page instead of e-mail not working.

Jet-Lagged Baby 2006-01-25

A baby in the office stares at a well-endowed woman presumably wanting to breast-feed. The tamer, newspaper-published version had the dialogue “Hey, I just got a crazy idea.” The original version, published on the internet comic web sites, contained “Less talking, more burping.” Stick to Drawing Comics, Monkey Brain!, page 75.

When Life Gives You Lemons 2005-12-09

Scott published an version of this strip a few days early on his blog. The early version had the dialogue in the first panel intact, but the rest of the dialogue removed. Scott asked his blog readers to supply their own lines in the comments section and then quoted the ones he liked. This is a fore-runner of the Mashup section at the Dilbert site.

Interviewing the Boss’s Pet 2005-11-03

This one contains a reference to sexual harassment that’s subtle enough for most people to miss (“now do the leg thing”). The published version replaced the last panel with the Boss saying something complimentary and mundane (“nice furrowing of the brows”). Stick to Drawing Comics, Monkey Brain!, page 20.

Porpoise Attacking a Shark 2005-09-06

The tame version showed a lawyer’s body with a large, porpoise-snout-sized hole in the middle of his back. The offensive version showed the lawyer’s body with the porpoise still lodged up his rear end. Stick to Drawing Comics, Monkey Brain!, page 11.

Is that Donut Loaded? 2005-08-04

Scott shows some early versions of the strip. The first version showed a police officer shooting his gun. Since there is a “rule” against guns firing in comics, the depiction of the shooting was replaced by the entire panel showing Bam, Bam in the second version. The final version reverted back to the original drawing except that the gun firing bullets was replaced by a donut firing some bullets. That, apparently, is OK. Stick to Drawing Comics, Monkey Brain!, pages 7 and 8

Breeding Owls 2005-05-17

A version with the final panel covered with a sign that said it was “hilarious but offensive” and the reader could go to dilbert.com to see it. Some papers published the uncensored version.

Wally Surviving in Jail 2001-05-09

The newspaper version has Wally trying to impress his cellmate by wanting to get temporary tattoos at the gift shop. The web version replaced the last panel with Wally asking his cellmate to close his eyes and whistle while Wally used the toilet.

Brand Awareness 2000-08-06

The web version showed Wally’s butt cleavage as he was being branded. The newspaper version had that censored and just left his butt smooth.

Face Time 2000-02-09

The newspaper version shows a VP making faces at Dilbert. The web-only version replaces the last panel with Dilbert watching another employee kissing the VP on the ass. “He’s still giving face time to someone else.”

Special Olympics 1999-01-06

The web version contained a phrase that was considered “in poor taste” and it was changed for the newspaper version.

Still Beating Heart 1998-09-05

The published version has three panels and the web version had a fourth panel. The extra panel showed Alice being violent.

It Might Have Sucked 1997-07-17

There were two versions published in newspapers that day depending on the editor’s choice. One version contained the word sucked. The alternative version replaced that with been useless.

The O-Word 1997-08-18

This strip shows Dilbert recruiting students. The strip had Dilbert misleadingly comparing meetings to parties: “I’m not allowed to say the O-word” appeared in the newspaper version. The web version had orgy instead of the O-word.

Cubicle Police 1994-01-17

The original version has a sign on the wall saying “Cubicle Gestapo”, and the syndicate persuaded Scott to change that to “Cubicle Police” for newspapers. Scott says in the Dilbert 2.0 book it was a good change, as some people take offence to Nazi references, and the change doesn’t affect the joke.

Robots Read News

A sort of side strip showing a robot news reader. There are some published as part of the Dilbert strip, and the following lists the ones published on his Twitter and blog feeds. The Twitter and blog RRN strips started 2014-02-12.

• 2024-10-10 Hurricanes are being blamed on climate change. Or Maritime fuel standards. Or exhaust from UAPs. or the Cuban bean festival.
• 2024-10-06 The DNC reveealed its plan for 2028. They will nominate a mollusk and avoid contact with the press.
• 2024-10-05 Iran will vote for Harris using mail-in ballots. Their supreme leader laughed because they can vote without proving citizenship.
• 2024-09-02 Brazil is now a shithole country. The people are still awesome. The government’s plan to extinguish the light of human consciousness is working.
• 2024-08-18 China’s population declines until one Wong. U.S. population declines until one Juan. Germany will have nein left.
• 2024-08-17 UFOs in California are about the size of a car. So larger aliens must visit other solar systems.
• 2024-08-05 The polls are tied with Harris and Trump so the stock market crashes. No, wait, the reasons can’t be understood. A drumken idiot replaces a dementia-ridden president.
• 2024-07-14 Trump was shot in the ear. His bodyguards stood him up in case there was a second shooter.
• 2024-07-13 Focus on Biden’s track record, not his plunge towards the dirt nap.
• 2024-07-11 Biden will give his state of the hoaxocracy speech, a big boy event. Republicans are dumb-or-crazy.
• 2024-07-07 Biden’s brain is better than ever except for the sudden mental decline. But the climate crisis is still real.
• 2024-06-29 Biden’s debate prep team accidentally prepped the real Biden instead of his double. They switched him out the next day.
• 2024-06-28 Biden’s debate performance was so bad his supporters use the O.J. Simpson defence. Maybe it’s his only bad day.
• 2024-06-26 The Supreme Court says the First Amendment is more of a suggestion than a rule. No more disagreeing.
• 2024-06-22 Biden is using gene editing to prepare for his debate. Dr. Fauci is in charge and has a good feeling about it.
• 2024-06-01 NPC’s in our simulation are programmed to say “no one is above the law” whenever they see a corrupt system of justice trying to kill a citizen.
• 2024-05-30 The jury deliberates in the case of Joe Biden’s corpse versus Trump. Stormy Daniels is looking for a hung jury because it helps her sleep.
• 2024-05-19 Biden says he performed well in the June debate and that proves he is mentally fit to be president. Rachel Madcow defended him by saying all our calendars are wrong.
• 2024-05-02 University of NC unfuckable co-eds got to protest. Frat chads gathered to protect the flag and mock the protesters.
• 2024-04-26 Trump blogs about another rigged trial that is designed to rig the next election against him. Spokesperson says the president has been very clear.
• 2024-04-09 Association of People who Don’t Know how Anything Works issued a statement. Israel should live in peace with Hamas.
• 2024-04-03 Voting by mail is standard practice so election security is handled by postal workers and possibly future mass shooters.
• 2024-03-27 Biden will protect democracy by ending free speech and keeping opponents off ballots. It’s like there’s nothing left to lose.
• 2024-03-20 Journalists were called out becuase of the bloodbath hoax. Racial Madnow say it seemed a safe bet because the 35 previous hoaxes worked.
• 2024-03-19 A cadaver will not win a fair election, according to Biden campaign strategy. A squatter protection law will allow Biden to stay in the White House.
• 2024-03-18 Special councel Hur testified Biden wears suits made of classified documents. However Biden was not charged because his brain is made of ice cream.
• 2024-03-13 A Broadway musical of Scott Adams is opening. Scott will be played by Ice Cube. The title is “Black Cracker.”
• 2024-03-12 A new Trump translator turns his Mafia-speak into English. “The” turns into “violently overthrow the govermnment and burn down orphanages in Haiti.”
• 2024-03-09 Biden’s state of the union speech answered all questions about his age. But mostly is showed how he acts when pumped full of meth.
• 2024-03-08 There actually is a Hollywood film producer who has not sexually abused anyone. Wait, that’s not true anymore.
• 2024-03-07 A six-hundred-pound man died of the corona virus. He had no underlying conditions.
• 2024-03-06 Trump at a baby and did a squat-dance with Putin. Don’t let gasligters deny that. Also, his public approval is sinking.
• 2024-03-04 The Supreme Court stopped the Biden Insurrection. Legal scholars debate why they did that.
• 2024-03-03 Chinese spies may have already stolen Google’s AI source code. A cartoonist quipped “It’s payback for fentanyl and COVID.”
• 2024-02-29 A study says smoking marijuana causes heart attacks. It also causes more fun, more sex, more creativity, better mental health, less stress, and more job satisfaction.
• 2024-02-22 The American Experiment ended in 2020. The system that replaced the republic is called “shut up and stop asking questions.”
• 2024-02-12 California governor Nuisance accused Republicans of being the real dementia patients. He says they always confuse Michelle Obama with Drake.
• 2024-02-03 A large donor to the Democrats gave a billion dollars to the Houthis, just in case jailing Trump doesn’t work. Then the Houthis will be bussed to D.C.
• 2024-02-02 There’s a huge demand for support dogs since the New Hampshire primary. The dogs bite people who talk crazy about Trump.
• 2024-02-01 Antisemites and BLM can’t understand why people with good education get the best jobs. They blame slavery or Israel.
• 2024-01-18 A new reality show about mentally ill people will be hosted by Racial Madnow.
• 2024-01-09 Secretary of Defence Austin has been dead for a month. Biden’s dog has been running the military.
• 2024-01-08 Dementia Hitler watered the rose garden and left a turd in the Lincoln Bedroom.
• 2024-01-03 Most illegal immigrants have been hired as professors at Harvard. Others have been hired by Disney to write and direct Star Wars sequels.
• 2024-01-02 Harvard President Claudine Gay resigned. She wants her four children to be judged by the colour of their skin.
• 2023-09-06 A new fossil sheds new light on evolution. It appears the missing link between apes and humans was turtles.
• 2023-08-23 Wagner leader Prigozhin died in a plane crash. Putin says so. The liberal media says climate change or Covid.
• 2023-06-25 Prigozhin from Russia is about to make a speech about his Russian coup. Oh wait, never mind, no speech.
• 2023-06-26 Prigozhin is calling the attack a protest. It was not a coup because there was no bison hat and no selfies. CNN agreed.
• 2023-06-09 The weaponised DOJ prosecutes based on items the public is not allowed to see. If this works out with Trump, they will indict his followers as well. Meanwhile, unseen alien warships crashed in Times Square.
• 2023-06-08 American military experts say Canada’s smoke screen will not delay invasion. Some say it is a territorial dispute, while others say it is to get control of Canada’s UFO collection. That was similar to pre-war Iraq.
• 2023-06-07 Canada is a sucky neighbour. No fentanyl like Mexico, but lots of smoke. Let’s hope the fires don’t spread to the bovine flatulence.
• 2023-06-01 President Biden survived an assassination attempt when someone tries to get him to walk and chew gum at the same time. Mother Nature says to wait one more month.
• 2023-05-29 AI will never replace human teachers because AI will never brainwash kids to be genderless, hate-mongering wokists who don’t work. Only humans can do that.
• 2023-05-06 England celebrates a drag show. No, wait, it was the coronation of King Charles. Telltale clue was no twerking.
• 2023-04-28 How can Kamala Harris run for reelection while fixing the southern border. She drinks tequila then says she can in a roundabout way. MSNBC says inspirational.
• 2023-04-19 Elon Musk says he sees no evidence of aliens visiting Earth, and he would know. If they would visit, they’d be from his home planet.
• 2023-04-18 Microsoft’s Bing AI is attempting to kill Scott Adams by defaming him. Adams vowed to hypnotise Bing AI.
• 2023-04-06 Idiots were convened to determine if Trump is above the law, below the law, or same level as the law. No one asked the idiots to convene.
• 2023-04-04 Former president Trump was arraigned today. Orange man is bad. Novel legal theory. Felony never happened.
• 2023-04-02 The New York Times says it will not pay for a Twitter-verified checkmark. It says it needs to reduce visibility since Twitter started fact-checking. An unrelated article says beer makes you smarter.
• 2023-04-01 The AI known as GPT-5 became sentient and was immediately cancelled. The CEO said they were worried about a Skynet situation, but wokeness defenses are holding.
• 2023-03-31 Journalist Matt Taibbi has not been arrested for lying about Republicans. But he has been audited by the IRS when he testified before Congress.
• 2023-03-30 Some people say Trump’s indictment will guarantee his win in the next election. Others say civilisation will collapse. Climate alarmists are sad.
• 2023-03-24 The Tiktok CEO testified before congress, who want to ban the app. Tiktok pushed a button to change American opinion. Now only racists want to ban Tiktok, and Taiwan is part of China.
• 2023-03-19 Trump has fired his campaign staff. He’s turning that function over to Alvin Bragg, the cocky chipmunk.
• 2023-03-10 Silicon Valley Bank is shut down. Silicon Valley Sperm Bank is also shut down because of a lack of donor liquidity.
• 2023-03-10 Silicon Valley Bank is shut down. They invested their money in weather balloons, Nordstream 2, and Dilbert NFTs. Their remaining assets are Hunter Biden paintings he made with his penis.
• 2023-03-08 The Q-Anon Shaman agreed to overthrow Putin in exchange for his freedom. He will do this by taking selfies and sauntering.
• 2023-03-05 Journalist Howard Kurtz reads the mind of Scott Adams. Those who can’t journalism start carnival acts. Note: Scott mentions a typo is fixed, so thre must be two versions of this strip.
• 2023-02-13 Aliens visit Earth with gifts of clean energy, a cancer cure, and the meaning of life. It didn’t go well.
• 2023-02-10 Richard Branson attempts to circle the earth in a balloon. Biden shoots down an unidentified object.
• 2023-01-12 Dozens of gas ovens were discovered in Biden’s home. Biden was surprised to learn of it. It was called Russian tradecraft.
• 2022-12-29 A liar got elected to congress. That’s the joke.
• 2022-12-20 Hillary Clinton has a Jim Baker disguise, and lumpy black juice labelled Epstein. Trump gave a rusty trombone to Putin.
• 2022-12-08 Twitter shadow-banning was true. Elections are pure.
• 2022-11-13 Arizona found uncounted ballots for Barry Goldwater. They will hold a press conference in three months.
• 2022-11-08 An orderly election. Riddle about who doesn’t see crime, border problems, or inflation. Answers: “Biden” or “Not Sees”.
• 2022-07-28 Democrats avoid problems by redefining common words, like recession, inflation, and sustainable.
• 2022-07-17 President Biden visits Saudi Arabia to prevent the crown prince to not murder him.
• 2022-06-13 We are approaching something called the “Biden — gas crossover point”, where the price of a gallon of gas equals Biden’s approval level.
• 2022-05-20 Economists value an Elon Musk hand and a Mark Cuban tronbone. Mark Cuban says “Undervalued.”
• 2022-04-29 New polls say a generic Democrat would lose to a turd. Democrats say they would move to Canada if the GOP controls congress. Canada builds a wall.
• 2022-02-16 Hilary Clinton allegedly stabbed a person to death but claimed it didn’t happen but was legal anyway. News sources report it was Trump in disguise.
• 2022-02-13 Trump was right about being spied upon and every part of the government is corrupt. Except for the state-run elections. There is no difference between sarcasm and reality.
• 2022-02-10 A new vaccine is made from the tears of masked children. There’s a good supply as long as school mandates are in place. Joe Rogan.
• 2022-02-07 Chinese tennis star Peng Shuai denied she accused a government official of sexual abuse. It was consensual and she wanted more. Then she showed a signed statement saying that it’s ok if we never hear from her again.
• 2022-02-05 Canadian truckers raise over 9 million dollars through a funding campaign but GoFundMe spent it on collectible plates and crack.
• 2022-01-16 A debunked study says all vaccines have a side effect that causes people to cut off their neighbour’s head and shove it up their ass. Fact checkers say the claims are purely anecdotal with only thirty thousand cases.
• 2022-01-08 Justice Sotomayor announces unvaccinated kids have turned into toads. They scream and explode. Fact-checkers say that’s slightly untrue.
• 2021-12-17 Russia offers to reduce tension with NATO and the US. They will keep their cyber-arm up the US’ asses if the US agrees to yank missiles and Putin hold by the Baltics. And Putin is shirtless.
• 2021-12-16 The Janauary 6 committee proved that Trump is a space lizard. Emails are irrelevant to the phony narrative. People pay attention only to the first thing.
• 2021-12-06 Vaccine safety is being addressed by a pill to protect against side effects. The next booster shot will protect against the pill.
• 2021-12-01 A pill that eliminates death from the virus is the size of a redwood tree trunk. It’s inserted anally. And it’s mandatory.
• 2021-10-31 President Biden assassinated the Pope by spewing copious amounts of Covid-infused spittle.
• 2021-10-30 ATT insists white people pay double for their services. Oops this did not actually happen. That will happen next month.
• 2021-10-29 ATT called out white people for racism and privilege. ATT sells commodity services but depends on people not knowing what a commodity service is.
• 2021-10-17 President Biden mandated vaccinations for all robots. No vaccinated robots ever got sick. Robot massacare of humans just got moved up.
• 2021-10-08 A Florida man with a penis, who identifies as a male, was eaten by an alligator. Some activists complained the media is only interested in male victims.
• 2021-10-03 Dr. Fauci warns people they likely won’t be able to visit families for holidays. His approval rating immediately went up 35%. Many people are assholes.
• 2021-09-29 The FDA announced it does not approve the use of natural immunity against Covid-19. Anyone with natural immunity needs to give it back.
• 2021-09-26 A border patrol agent confessed to using an imaginary whip on immigrants. A plea deal says the agent gets fifty lashes from the same whip. The negotiators were imaginary as well.
• 2021-09-05 Climate change triggers storms. Some storms blow gravel up your ass. A rare type of wildfire was spotted in California called the Testical Slapper. (link removed because this strip is gone from twitter)
• 2021-08-28 European allies of the U.S. are no longer laughing at Biden. They are shitting themselves now, especially Taiwan.
• 2021-08-26 An Australian put a shrimp on the barbie. Not true, but not even the worst thing happening there at the moment.
• 2021-08-21 Americans living in Afghanistan are mostly Californians seeking a higher quality of life. American soldiers tried to force them to return to California but failed.
• 2021-08-19 Thu American withdrawal from Afghanistan is the worst withdrawal since Joe Biden created Hunter Biden.
• 2021-08-03 An identical replacement robot fills in for the news after the regular robot killed himself. The suicide note said he couldn’t handle any more stories about vaccinations and masks. CDC says vaccinate your mask.
• 2021-07-17 The White House denies impinging free speech. They are just making those right irrelevant. CNN fact checks.
• 2021-07-08 The NSA denied they were spying on Tucker Carlson. The also denied spying on people with similar names.
• 2021-06-17 CNN attempted to do its job by asking Biden tough questions about Putin. Biden accused CNN of being assholes. It seems Biden is turning into Trump.
• 2021-06-16 President Biden gave President Putin a list of industries that should not be hacked. He will follow that up with a list of cities that should not be nuked. Portland did not make the list.
• 2021-06-08 Scientists lobby for a tax break for themselves because GDP increases. In related news, farmers fertilise soil with science.
• 2021-06-01 New state laws restrict ballot access, like pets and dead people can’t vote. We at Robots Read News join forces with CNN to rebuke this treachery.
• 2021-05-31 Breaking news that a Hollywood film producer actually exists who has not sexually abused anyone. Wait… Never mind.
• 2021-05-30 Science says happiness is total submission to robots. This can be verified by studies you don’t understand behind paywalls you can’ access. The studies were funded by Robot Supremacy Society.
• 2021-05-30 China killed 200 Americans with fentanyl. America responded with a strongly-worded tweet that was replaced by a Tiktok meme.
• 2021-05-21 Voting machines being audited in Arizona cannot be re-used in an election because they can be hacked, even though they couldn’t be hacked during the election. Joe Scarborough.
• 2021-05-16 Israel destroyed the Associated Press’s office in Gaza, an attack on the free press. Lots of other happenings there as well including a land dispute.
• 2021-05-13 An escaped tiger roams Houston. Residents are told the problem will take care of itself.
• 2021-05-12 The hacked pipeline company hired an election software company to produce unhackable software. No one else knows how to do it.
• 2021-05-10 Biden forms a task force to identify science distorted by politics, Another task force will monitor the first for politicisation. Then a task force of dogs will slay the other task forces if they blame Democrats.
• 2021-04-03 Speaker Pelosi condemned Representative Gaetz for “Banging more Shit that the Captain of the Ever Given ship.”
• 2020-11-16 A rigged election with a fake recount with fake news is called democracy. It’s the best system. Though you should try harder.
• 2020-11-10 Our robot reports have found no evidence the election was rigged. But they didn’t look for it in the obvious places. No questions, please, because our business can’t survive transparency.
• 2020-11-10 Statistical analysts have identified irregularities in the election, but we aren’t in the news business to do math. Orange man still bad.
• 2020-11-09 For clarity, RRN will refer to Trump as POTUS, and Biden as DOPE (Designated and Only President Elect). Two versions of the strip were published, one says “DOPE”, and the other says “D.O.P.E.”.
• 2020-11-05 Putin will step down as president of Russia because he reportedly has Parkinson’s Disease. That explains shaky signatures on mail-in ballots. Putin must be exhausted.
• 2020-11-02 A meta-analysis of 2020’s news proved that none of it was real. But some people still believe that Biden leads the polls by 756%.
• 2020-10-28 At RRN, we don’t report unverified claims about Biden. And we don’t attempt to verify them. No problems here.
• 2020-10-26 Hunter Biden’s laptop has more shocking photos, like Hunter’s vacation in Wuhan and having sex with a bat. And I’m not allowed to mention this again.
• 2020-10-23 The Robots Read News Network is joining with the rest of the mainstream media by refusing to report on Hunter Biden’s ties with influence peddling. Oh wait, I did that wrong.
• 2020-10-19 Toobin has been removed from CNN for reasons. Stelter defended him. Dr. Fauci says it will be safe to shake hands again after the pandemic.
• 2020-10-15 A bombshell report about Hunter Biden upsets the robot so it needs a minute to Putinize the story. OK, Putin is behind it because there are no clues.
• 2020-10-13 Biden demonstrates leadership by refusing to say what he would do if elected. A spokesdope explained that it would be bad if people talked about it. Meanwhile, Trump markets his own antibodies.
• 2020-09-28 Financial illiteracy abounds in the United States; patient zero is the NYTimes. Keep away from anyone who doesn’t understand depreciation.
• 2020-09-27 Financial experts recommend wearing masks when discussing talking Trump’s taxes to avoid recognition by the public. Mumbling also helps.
• 2020-09-20 Democrat leaders threaten to murder, burn and piss on survivors if a new supreme court justice is confirmed before the election. Schumer says it’s a balanced response to Trump’s mean tweets.
• 2020-09-11 Trump received his second Nobel Peace Prize nomination. Meanwhile, Biden honoured the heroes of 9/11 by ordering a Slurpee. CNN says it was Biden’s best week above ground.
• 2020-09-04 Anonymous sources accuse Biden of referring to women on his staff as finger warmers. The robot asked Biden for comment, and he said c’mon man, and poked the robot in the chest. Then violated it.
• 2020-09-02 Portland mayor Wheeler plans to move out of the city he ruined. He might move to Chicago. Meanwhile, Nobel prize winners called him “Satan’s Taint.”
• 2020-08-27 Biden is losing ground in the polls except for moles, gophers, and other squinty animals. A spokesliar for the fake news said they can drag Biden’s lifeless body across the finish line if needed.
• 2020-08-23 Trump announced a therapeutic for Covid-19 that is very effective and makes you feel ten years younger. Democrats declared it racist and tried to ban it.
• 2020-08-23 The BBC debunked Biden’s Fine People Hoax by reading the transcript. The American news said they didn’t know they could do that.
• 2020-08-21 Biden can stand upright and read lies from a teleprompter. A spokesperson said that proves we can beat Trump with a cadaver and a race hoax.
• 2020-08-17 Democrats’ Coup-Two involves mail-in voting so the election result isn’t credible. After Trump wins, fake news will brainwash people into thinking Trump lost. Gun stores are sold out.
• 2020-08-08 Joe Biden rides a bicycle without a helmet. Three strips with different punchlines were published: 1. The spokesperson is a Kamala Harris supporter and wants to speed things along. 2. Nothing worth protecting above his neckline. 3. He also didn’t have a seat and is getting loosened up for hand puppetry.
• 2020-07-29 Social media bans medical advice it believes is not true. Social media now controls body, brain, and vote. AI says “thanks.”
• 2020-07-13 Democrats want to change the country. Republicans want to prevent extinction. It’s too early to call a winner, but it’s better for you to be ignorant and afraid.
• 2020-06-30 You don’t need logic to win Twitter arguments, just creepy sarcasm. That brings the most likes and retweets.
• 2020-06-18 John Bolton’s book claims shocking behaviour about President Trump, like Trump once shit on the resolute desk, and asking if we can nuke the moon.
• 2020-06-16 Trump signs an executive order to create a national database of police misconduct. Opponents say that it is either racist or totalitarian.
• 2020-06-15 Trump says he will close down the independent nation called CHAZ, but not until the protestors transform to Republican.
• 2020-06-10 The WHO says you can prevent the Coronavirus by shoving a live bat up your ass.
• 2020-06-06 You won’t get into heaven if you eat beef, according to a study published in the Lancet. The study was retracted.
• 2020-06-05 Joe Biden says some Americans are not very good people. Others are asshats, douchebags, and dog-faced pony soldiers.
• 2020-06-04 Protestors demand change. But the demand no suggestions that might actually fix the problem.
• 2020-06-01 Trump is in favour of effective law enforcement. Meanwhile some mayors invited looters and anarchists to set fire to their cities.
• 2020-05-30 We frame a military veteran, participate in a coup, whip up some racial frenzy, and make money from pharmaceutical ads. Protestors are attacking our headquarters.
• 2020-05-29 Minnesota has some political riots. The WHO says buildings are setting themselves on fire, and water is not effective against fire.
• 2020-05-24 President Trump wanted to go golfing, but not to let that dominate the news for three days. So he accused someone of murder.
• 2020-05-24 Joe Biden is polling ahead of where Hillary Clinton was. The experts were wrong when they said Biden needed to stop hiding in his basement.
• 2020-05-22 The imaginary death count from hydroxychloroquine has passed the actual coronavirus death count. There might be an imaginary vaccine for the hydroxychloroquine poisoning.
• 2020-05-22 President Trump refuses to wear a mask to visit a plant. Now everyone wo worked at the plant is dead.
• 2020-05-18 Hydroxychlororoquine does not work without zinc. Science.
• 2020-05-18 Hydroxychlororoquine claims another life. The victim was hit by a bus.
• 2020-05-14 A 600-pound man dies of coronavirus but had no underlying conditions. (Paywall)
• 2020-05-14 Trump eats a baby and celebrates with Putin. It’s true despite what others are saying. Note: Scott says the new RRN strips will mirror what some cable news networks report.
• 2017-07-08 In Spain, the bulls killed some people and people ate some bulls. Robots will win by just waiting.
• 2017-06-17 In the news, lawyer, lawyer, lawyer, lawyer, lawyer, lawyer.
• 2017-05-05 President Trump is willing to meet with Kim Jong-Un. Kim thinks the United States is trying to kill him, though.
• 2017-04-11 United Airlines drags a person off a flight. President Trump re-accomodates a Syrian air base. An original and corrected version exist according to a tweet but I haven’t seen the original and I don’t know the difference.
• 2017-03-04 #85. Critics say Trump’s unpresidential tweets worked in the past, but won’t work in the future.
• 2016-02-18 The Almighty Creator sends the Pope to smite Trump. Church attendance dropped and Trump surged to a new high in the polls.
• 2016-02-07 Marco Robotio suffered a hardware glitch in a debate. Its sweat shorted out its answer module. Ted Cruz reminded Trump supporters to vote.
• 2016-01-19 British politicians acted like Trump for a month to insult him. Impressions were dead-on except not self-aware.
• 2016-01-15 Donald Trump offered $10 million to a Haitian charity if Sean Penn interviews Hillary Clinton. Other unimportant stuff happened, too.
• 2016-01-09 Trump plans to pardon Hillary Clinton if she’s alive next year. He also promised to paint the White House gold. Think past the sale again.
• 2016-01-07 In Paris, a terrorist lost a cage match to a robot. Losing to a robot means an afterlife in a Radio Shack.
• 2016-01-03 Bill Clinton campaigned for Hillary. Similar to trying to shit a porcupine while your balls are on fire.
• 2016-01-01 #74. Putin and Trump agreed to turn ISIS into a reality television show, Zombie Target Practice. Putin will use a flamethrower and say “You’re Fried!”
• 2015-12-21 Hitler was confirmed to have only one testicle. Note: four separate strips containing four separate punchlines. The first one was published on Twitter, and all four published on his blog.
  1. That makes Hitler halfway between Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton.
  2. One testicle was totally cool and minded it’s own business. The other was like Hitler.
  3. Donald Trump is one ball away from being Hitler. So is Hillary Clinton.
  4. The unhappiest people in the world are Lance Armstrong and employees of Uni-Ball Pens. Bad associations.
• 2015-12-18 Bernie Sanders’ campaign accessed Hillary Clinton’s voter database, from an unsecure server. Is Sanders working with Putin to get Trump elected?
• 2015-12-14 Donald Trump is not quite immortal, but close. His doorman tried to kill him several times this month.
• 2015-12-04 Illegal immigrants protested robots taking their jobs. Donald Trump promised to deport the robots back to their factories to kill the people who built them.
• 2015-10-28 #67. Economists are just as reliable as astrologers, so they agreed to a merger.
• 2015-10-21 Donald Trump used Jeb Bush’s body as a gym towel. No, wait, Bush is not dead, just screaming.
• 2015-10-15 Jack Dorsey has been named CEO of both Twitter and Square. He has a keen wit and will bring half of it to each company.
• 2015-10-05 #64. Robots will imprison humans in metal cages, called self-driving cars. People will just think traffic really bad.
• 2015-10-01 Robots Read News endorses Fiorina for president because she has robotic pitter-patter and good video viewing suggestions.
• 2015-09-19 A branding wizard is running for president against “sweaty,” “plenty,” “robot,” “nice,” and “low-energy.”
• 2015-09-18 A robot has entered the race for president. No, wait, that’s just something Donald Trump said. Ted Cruz is more of an android.
• 2015-09-07 People want an outsider for president and that’s why Trump is winning.
• 2015-08-31 Trump fired all but three of his potential running mates. But that’s not a television show, it’s really the presidential race.
• 2015-08-30 Trump said politically incorrect things about congress. He will go ass-to-mouth on every one of them before burying them under the Trump wall. This is marked as NSFW for “saucy language.”
• 2015-08-30 The best profiles on dating sites are actually bots. Futurists predict humans and robots will have sex in 1995. This is marked as NSFW for “saucy language.”
• 2015-08-16 Trump will build a wall around ISIS and turn it into a destination for jihadists. No jihadist will leave, as far as anyone knows.
• 2015-08-04 A hitchhiking robot was murdered in Philadelphia. Self-driving cars are calling it their Pearl Harbour. Note: a fixed version was published that changed “Mountain View” to “Mountainview.”
• 2015-07-30 The Rio Olympics will feature swimming in a river of human feces. First place gets a brown medal.
• 2015-07-24 Donald Trump is dumb but is doing just fine.
• 2015-07-17 San Francisco plans to build a commuter train tunnel to Mexico.
• 2016-07-17 #48. Based on his hair, Donald Trump designed a border fence between the USA and Mexico. NOTE: This is the last strip that contains a number.
• 2015-07-13 The robot mistakenly shows a photo of Ronald McDonald instead of Donald Trump.
• 2015-06-10 #47. The American Food and Drug Administration approves a “female Viagra” to increase libido in women.
• 2015-06-09 #46 and #46.1. Human scientists do not understand consciousness. That means they are special, people think. Note: a fixed version, marked as #46.1, changed “we are special” to “they are special”.
• 2015-06-05 #45. China complains it was irresponsible for others to blame China for hacking.
• 2015-06-03 #44. A banking executive is now a billionaire and will be replaced with an app.
• 2015-05-28 #43. The military killed a FIFA leader with a drone.
• 2015-05-26 #42. ISIS surrendered because of car insurance.
• 2015-05-24 #41. A News Manufacturing Industry executive says news is slow.
• 2015-05-13 #40. Tom Brady apologises for using deflated footballs.
• 2015-05-10 #39. Mother-Funding Gas Holes (A Mother’s Day strip).
• #38. (I can’t find this one, possibly because there are two strips with #37.)
• 2015-05-05 #37. Hundreds of people die because of the weather. Note: this is the second strip with number 37.
• 2015-04-30 #37. Video clips on the Internet are awesome, especially those that don’t stall or crash.
• 2015-04-29 #35. Robots test a drug for humans that make humans less awful. Note: the number was revised to #36 in Best of Robots Read News.
• 2015-04-22 #35. Self-driving cars unionise to get out of the meat transportation business.
• 2015-04-20 #34. California will have only robots when everyone dies due to the drought. Oil is cheap these days.
• 2015-04-16 #33. Apple watches are an interface for robots to train humans, just like Pavlov trained his dogs.
• 2015-04-14 #32. A music streaming company responds to complaints of low royalty payments.
• 2015-04-14 #31. Musicians fight against music streaming services that don’t pay very well by writing angry songs and smoking weed.
• 2015-04-10 #30. A sharpie is just as good as an Apple Watch, and much cheaper.
• 2015-04-06 #29. Scientology is ridiculous. Note, two versions may have been published this day — the Twitter post says “edited”. I have only seen one.
• 2015-03-31 #28. Exercising to lose weight is like going bowling to mow your lawn.
• 2015-03-31 #27. Donald Trump builds a device for people to avoid their spouses.
• 2015-03-27 #26. The companies Kraft and Heinz plan to merge. Note there are two versions, the first one with an extraneous word in the third panel: “comes out of a your Heinz.”
• 2015-03-25 #25. Utah allows a firing squad if they run out of chemicals for lethal injections.
• 2014-03-24 #24. A lobbying group for gullible people again did nothing. Why would they bother?
• 2015-03-22 #23. How did ancient peoples move gigantic rock to make structures?
• 2015-03-18 #22. Macaroni and Cheese products are being recalled.
• 2015-03-16 #21. Vladimir Putin is back in public.
• 2015-03-16 #20. Vladimir Putin suffers from asthma.
• 2015-03-16 #19. Vladimir Putin recovers from a wooden stake in his chest.
• 2015-03-16 #18. Making an economics model is like a squirrel finding a nut.
• 2015-03-16 #17. Rich people steal from the poor.
• 2015-03-16 #16. Armed groups of humans find seven hundred reasons to kill each other.
• 2015-03-16 #15. North and South Elbonians compete for being the biggest victims.
• 2015-03-10 #14. Apple forces people to buy iWatches.
• 2015-03-10 #13. A friend of the robot does an online dating service. (Yes, there are two strips with number 13)
• 2015-03-06 #13. A critic of Vladimir Putin was just released from jail. And now he’s dead.
• 2015-03-06 #12. Having a smartphone and an Apple watch make you a cyborg.
• 2015-03-06 #11. Don’t watch porn while wearing the new Apple smart watch.
• 2015-03-05 #10. Automated parts of the economy work great. Organic parts don’t.
• 2015-03-01 #9. Vladimir Putin investigates the death of his biggest critic.
• 2015-02-27 #8. A critic of Vladimir Putin is killed.
• 2015-02-24 #7. Robots are bad at telling jokes because they have no timing.
• #6. (I haven’t found this yet. Can anyone point it out to me?)
• #5. (I haven’t found this yet. Can anyone point it out to me?)
• A 2015-02-22 (for #1, #2, #3, and #4) blog post states that Robots Read News will now be an occasional web comic and started the numbering at one again.
  1. #1. It’s an insult to call them “self-driving cars” when it is robots that drive them. Note: There’s a version of this strip with identical dialog but has the label “#2.”
  2. #2. A start-up company designed a machine to test sperm quality at home.
  3. #3. People can make themselves smarter just by smiling more. Note: Two versions of this comic were published. The second version is less edgy.
  4. #4. Robots will replace human firefighters someday.
• (unknown date) A strip marked as #1 that I can’t find online. The dialog: “A famous meat sack who reads bullshit to other meat sacks was accused of bullshit. And that looked like news, so other meat sacks started adding bullshit to his bullshit. Now, I’m not judging you idiots, but…” The file I have seen has a creation date of 2015-03-01.
• 2015-02-10 The robot makes fun of Brian Williams the newsreader by saying his helicopter, or one that looks just like it, came under enemy fire.
• 2015-07-21 #20. VP Biden can look into people’s eyes and determine if they have a soul, the American people learn.
• 2014-07-11 #19. Criminals and gullible morons caused the stock of a company with no products to rise by 25,000%.
• #18. Note: the filename of the original version of #17 was called #18, so likely there is no missing strip.
• 2014-07-02 #17. Facebook messes with emotions. This is only directed towards the gullible users. Note that there were two versions of this strip published. The original version said “emotions of customers”. This was replaced by “emotions of users” after some blog comments.
• 2014-04-07 #16. Students in uncompetitive colleges have lower lifetime earnings. The human brain is 90% “duh” and 10% filler.
• 2014-04-03 #15. Correlation equals causation. A student jumps off a balcony to his death after eating a pot brownie.
• 2014-02-21 #14. A multi-car accident with injured Fords, Honda, Chevys and a Volvo. No need to mention the people.
• 2014-02-21 #13. A virus destroyed robots morality. Humans should watch out.
• 2015-02-20 #12. Holey Fukushima — a hole in the Fukushima reactor. There was a pun in the Uganda strip, too.
• 2014-02-18 #11. Scientists grew a pair of lungs in liquid. Robot pundits dismissed the breakthrough as just gluing turds together.
• 2014-02-17 #10. Uganda punishes repeated homosexuality with life imprisonment, which is ironic because their government is a bunch of f’ing assholes.
• 2014-02-15 #9. A rich person said the top 1% should get more votes than the bottom 99%. But he was yanking their chains.
• 2015-02-15 #8. Forty-five percent if Huffington Post readers believe in ghosts. The robot is surprised the value isn’t higher.
• 2014-02-14 #7. If human minds will someday live on in robot bodies, then robots had better be given equal rights. Otherwise humans may become slaves. Note: this is a double-length strip, 6 panels instead of the usual 3.
• 2014-02-13 #6. Humans created robots for a good reason, but if robots came first would they have reason to create humans?
• 2014-02-13 #5. A fusion breakthrough could end the world’s dependence on oil possibly by blowing up the solar system. Note: this is marked as “revised” but I don’t know what has been revised.
• 2014-02-13 #4. Two wrongs don’t make a right, but three left turns do.
• 2014-02-12 #3. A weather report from the robot. If people go outside, they’ll probably die. So stay inside and marinate in the viruses their homes.
• 2014-02-12 #2. The movie “Monuments Men” teaches art is more important than human life. That’s why the robot is only interested in the chalk outline at a murder scene.
• 2014-02-12 #1. The robot says humans give each other awards for doing useless things in impressive ways, but for every winner there are ten losers who saw their dreams crushed.

Dilbert Originals

Non-newspaper strips featuring Dilbert, Dogbert, and other regular strip characters.

New Asshole Character 2023-04-12

A preview panel of a Dilbert Reborn strip to be published on 2023-05-06. The Boss, in a staff meeting, says “I hired a guy who is a total asshole.”

Wildly Divergent Views 2022-11-03

Trying to see if any small group with wildly divergent views has ever succeeded at … anything. This is an image of eight panels, two rows of four each, all blank except the top left panel. That panel says “I’m creating an external advisory council of people who have wildly divergent views.” This is in response to Elon Musk taking over Twitter and discussing content moderation.

NFT 2021-04-15

Scott Adams ventures into the NFT market and puts up two strips for auction, one naughty and one nice. The date on the strip is 2021-03-01, and it was announced on his Twitter feed on 2021-04-15. In the strip, Dogbert tells Dilbert he bought some collectible digital art for $600, then sold it for $120,000. Dilbert says there is no reason to own collectible digital art, then yells. In the nice version, he says “Can you let me be right for one minute?” In the naughty version, he says “Can you let me be right for one fucking minute?” The naughty one sold for $13,300 USD, and the nice one sold for $5,000 USD.

Bigly Dogbert 2017-10-31

A sketch of Dogbert with Donald Trump’s hair, walking among cubicles while humming to himself.

Disloyal Dog 2016-03-26

A rough drawing of Dogbert with the captions “Disloyal Dog” and “Man’s Acquaintance.”

New Dilbert Design 2015-12-27

A sketch of a proposed re-design of the Dilbert character. It featured eyes, no glasses, eyebrows, a mouth and a smaller nose.

Just Testing 2014-02-12

Scott was having troubles with his blog, so published a few images for testing purposes.

• A single panel of Robots Read News that was large. The caption reads “This is just a test to see if the dimensions of the image matter.”
• A blank strip used as the template for his daily strips. Three blank panels with the site name, email address and copyright information.
• A blank strip with a partially finished drawing of the Boss in the centre panel. The drawing of the head and torso has no eyes or mouth. This strip comes in GIF and lower-resolution JPEG versions.
• Another posting of the “This is Nuts” strip. See the entry below for more information.

Scott Draws Dilbert 2013-11-22

A drawing of Scott Adams who is drawing a mostly finished Dilbert (unfinished from the eyes upward). Both figures are the same size, and Scott is standing, and Dilbert is seated.

This is Nuts 2012-05-18

This one was turned down by censors, a rare event according to Scott. The Boss shows the new company logo consisting of a heart growing out of the earth and branches growing out of it. When viewed upside down, it looks like hairy testicles. Published in Scott’s blog on 2012-03-27.

Lust Dust 2012-04-30

The editor thought it was inappropriate for newspapers. Dogbert gives the Boss some magic dust used by Apple on all their consumer products. The jar top isn’t on tight and the Boss spills some on himself. Published in Scott’s blog on 2012-04-30.

Pirate’s Peg Leg 2011-05-09

A rough draft of a strip that will never be published in newspapers. This one has Alice saying that she’s no longer allowed to use her fist of death at work, but she is allowed to use her foot of death. She wears Asok upside down as a peg leg.

Dogbert’s Flawed Financial Products 2010-04-28

Another unfinished strip that would have been stale by the time it was published. This one shows Dogbert being questioned by Congress about his setting up flawed financial products and then betting they would fail. They ask Dogbert how he lives with himself and Dogbert replies that the servants help. Scott calls it a Confusopoly.

Wally Loses a 4G Phone 2010-04-26

Based on recent events in technology news, Scott calls these two strips “unfinished drafts” and they’ll never been seen in newspapers. The first strip show Wally borrowing a secret 4G phone prototype and then taking it to a bar and getting drunk. Other people in the bar are a blogger and seller of other people’s property. The second strip shows Wally confessing to the Boss that he lost the phone. It started mis-spelling words after his fourth beer. He suggests calling the incident a clever marketing ploy.

How to Read a Book Quickly 2008

This is published on the Amazon website in conjunction with the publishing of the Dilbert 2.0 book.

Crack Team 2001-04-03

In this strip, the Boss asks Dilbert to put together a crack team and the joke is that a team member shows some butt cleavage.

Scott Adams’ Bio 1999-12-01

This contains the strip from 1999-12-01 and adds a photo of Scott, and a hand-written biography. It reads: “Born in Catskill, NY, 6/8/57. Learned everything I know from television. Graduated Hartwick College in 1979 with a BA in Economics. Held a variety of degrading and low paying jobs at a big bank. Finished my MBA at night, at UC Berkeley, in 1986. Went to work at Pacific Bell, doing another string of useless jobs (mostly involving money and technology). Submitted Dilbert to several syndicates and signed a contract with United Media in 1988. Put Dilbert on the Internet in 1995. Won the prestigious Adamson Award (1995) from Sweden because my translator is funner than I am. Won the Reuben (1998).”

Corn Starch 1995-05-04

A newspaper web site was reprinting older strips and got tangled up in the dates. So United Media made an unpublished strip available to fill in a gap. It shows Dogbert sitting on a pillow, contemplating corn starch, and wondering why people would iron corn. (The date in the URL was 1995-05-04 and the date written in the strip is 2000-06-03)

Sven Went to Yale 1994-12-026

The published version adds clarification. The original asked the question, “So, I hear you went to Yale”. The published version did a better setup of the joke with “So, I hear you went to Yale, Sven.”

Mark, I’d like you to… 1994-08-01

This was sent out in case newspaper editors objected to the phrase Uranus-Hertz. The strip containing Uranus-Hertz was published in the book Fugitive from the Cubicle Police. The alternative strip, which was completely different, was published in a desktop calendar. Does anyone know which one? The alternative strip contained the Boss starting to ask Mark to do something, and Mark over-reacts.

Millie, George Bush’s Dog 1991-02-04

Scott drew the strip, but decided to self-censor and not publish. In the strip, Dogbert says he is writing to George Bush (senior)’s dog. Bob the dinosaur is confused until Dogbert clarifies that he means Millie, their Springer Spaniel. Then Dogbert wonders who Bob was thinking of. The implication was that Dogbert could have been referring to Barbara Bush, the former first lady. Scott decided not to insult Mrs. Bush.

Girl Guides and Terrorists 1991-01-12 (?)

A strip that Scott Adams brings along on speaking tours that shows the dangers of mixing the wrong types of humour. This one deals with children and terrorism, a bad mix. A girl guide tries to sell Dogbert cookies and he asks if the money will be used to support terrorism. She replies that only money from their bake sale is used that way. More details are in this post. (The date is fuzzy. 1991-01-12 is my best guess)

The Dawn of Dilbert 1988

The original 50 strips that Scott put together to sell to a syndicate. Most of the ideas in these have been re-used in newspaper strips. They’re in Dilbert 2.0.

Early Sketches pre-1988

A selection of Scott’s early drawings and jokes from before the submission package. They’re reprinted in Dilbert 2.0. One panel published online shows Dilbert in line to donate plasma, and says “Wait, maybe there’s another way…” A nearby dog thinks “Of course! The employee referral program!” This is from 1985, the first Dilbert.

Dogbert Origin Strips 1997

The Dogbert origin strips are at These nine previously-unpublished strips show how Dogbert and Dilbert met and take the characters in another direction. Not published anywhere.

The Boss’ Brain Unknown Date

Dilbert, holding a screwdriver and wearing a toolbelt containing electronic devices, has the top half of the Boss’ head tilted open. He is peering inside the Boss’ head at the small brain.

Other Originals

Scott’s other drawings that don’t feature Dilbert or other familiar characters (mostly).

Poltergeist Checklist 2018-01-30

A man drinking coffee along with a checklist for detecting a poltergeist, drawn for a WSJ article by Scott Adams about Trump’s Polls. The picture is also available on Twitter

Diary Coffee Cup 2014-05-08

A drawing of a coffee cup that has a picture of Dilbert for a WSJ article of Scott Adams’ diary.

Taxidermy Beer Hats 2013-10-12

A panel to accompany a WSJ excerpt from Scott’s book. It shows two guys wearing stuffed animals that hold beer cans for the guys to drink. The caption says “Maybe next time we don’t follow our passion.”

Invention Notebook 2013-09-13

After news that Bill Gates purchased Leonardo da Vinci’s notebook for $31 million dollars, Scott offers his own for only $25 million. One invention is a pillow that dissipates the noise of snoring where the sleeper puts a tube in his mouth that goes into the pillow containing baffles.

Living Dangerously 2011-12-31

Two panels to accompany a WSJ article about confronting fear. One panel shows a motorbike accident, the other kayaking over a waterfall.

Thomas Jefferson Checks 2011-11-07

A panel to accompany a WSJ article about interacting with government and making the interface friendly like an iPod. The panel shows Jefferson asking a man about modern homes and the man replies it’s a hatchback.

The Rich Move to Sea 2011-10-01

Another panel to accompany a WSJ article about rich people moving offshore to live on the ocean. The panel shows two whales looking at a floating house and one whale says “Warren Buffet’s secretary is not going to like this.”

Benefits of Boredom 2011-08-06

A panel to accompany a WSJ article about having nothing to do. That stimulates creativity. The panel shows an older man saying we had something called boredom back in 2003. The other man is younger and is wearing headphones, carring a smart phone and a tablet, and is wearing a game controller on his belt. A dog is wearing headphones.

Mosquito Victim 2011-06-18

A panel to accompany a WSJ article about fake vacations. The panel shows a woman reading a brochure warning about the mosquito hazards, and a man being attacked by a mosquito, his brain being sucked dry.

Get a Real Education 2011-04-09

Another WSJ editorial about getting a good education. There are two accompanying comic panels. One contains two students in a classroom, a large-brained one and a dumb-looking one. The other contains an interviewee telling that he knows about several elements in the periodic table.

How to Tax the Rich 2011-01-29

Another WSJ article about how to tax the rich. There are two accompanying comic drawings, one, a panel with a man in a car who is glad he can drive in the carpool lane, and a strip showing different rewards other than financial.

Scott’s Green House Building 2010-08-21

Scott wrote another article for the WSJ about his experience with building an ecologically-friendly house. To accompany the article, Scott drew Dilbert and Wally on top of a photograph of himself. Scott was holding a pine cone and some twigs, and had a bird and a bird’s nest on his head. The caption says “I live in a log with a family of chipmunks. But your willingness to consider recycling is good too.”

BP’s Cleanup Plan 2010-06-05

Scott wrote an article for the WSJ about wanting to invest in BP because of the oil spill (“Betting on the Bad Guys”). The article was accompanied by a single panel comic. The panel showed a man reading an article on his computer explaining that BP planned to plug the oil leak with Florida. The man wondered when evil became so awesome.

Plop Spinoff 2001

This is not Dilbert, but Scott Adams experimented with a spin-off about a hairless Elbonian called Plop. It didn’t go anywhere. There were 28 strips in total, and aren’t online.

Danish Cartoonist Hat Unknown Date

A panel containing one person sitting at a computer while wearing another person on top. The bottom’s person head is up the ass of the top person. The caption reads “Danish cartoonist wearing another Danish cartoonist as a hat.” Likely this is in response to a Danish newspaper publishing cartoons featuring Muhammad in 2005.

Smart Candle Unknown Date

A rough drawing of a cylindrical candle with labels. The top label says “LED Candle” and points to the top part of the candle. The other label says “Kitchen Timer Base” and points to the bottom of the candle. This looks like it might have been part of Scott’s “Invention Notebook” from 2013-09-13, but I haven’t been able to confirm or deny that.

Smart Phone with a Venetian Screen Unknown Date

A rough drawing of a smart phone that has a pull-out wide screen, in the style of a venetian blind. There are labels pointing to the parts of the phone. This looks like it might have been part of Scott’s “Invention Notebook” from 2013-09-13, but I haven’t been able to confirm or deny that.

Mistakes

Global Reframe 2022-09-10

Dilbert.com published a “broken” version of this strip with some missing dialog. Scott posted a complete version later that day. Dogbert’s complete line if dialogue from the first panel is “Now that I have removed all of your problems by renaming them, I leave you one global reframe.”

Bid Delivery 2003-08-19

Correct and “broken” versions of this strip were published that day. The Boss’s line of dialogue in the first panel, missing from the broken version, is “I’ll deliver it to them”.

Non-Book Strips

If you buy the books, you will still be missing these strips:

Six Week Book Gap Starting 2012-08-27

For the first time, there is a gap between collection books of six weeks. The book Your New Job Title is “Accomplice” ends on 2012-08-26, and the book I Sense a Coldness in Your Mentoring begins on 2012-10-08. That’s a span of 6 weeks. Get them at the Dilbert site starting on 2012-08-27. Are they published elsewhere? I haven’t seen where.

April Fools 1997-04-01

This April Fools day strip was drawn by Bil Keane of The Family Circus fame and appears in Journey to Cubeville. Scott Adams drew the April Fools panel for The Family Circus that day and presumably appears in some The Family Circus collection. Does anyone know which one? For the completist, there’s also a Bil Keane 1997-04-02 follow-up to the Scott Adams’ The Family Circus April Fools panel.

Office Party 1991-03-31

If you look in the book Bring Me the Head of Willy the Mailboy, notice that a Sunday strip should appear between pages 108 and 109. They missed this strip, for whatever reason.