Dogbert's tech support will help fix an error message saying the Windows is not genuine. Start by rebooting seventeen times and Dilbert will lose hope.
Note: A preview of the first two panels was published on the Dilbert Blog on 2014-12-17.
Tip: You can download the DSI, which is the source for these strip descriptions. It's at the downloads page.
Wally wears clogs with four-inch heels because studies show taller people are paid more.
Instead of performance reviews, pay will be based on height. And Alice will earn ten percent less than the men.
Catbert says the CEO's pay will be capped due to pay being based on height.
Alice confronts the CEO about the new policy of pay being based on height.
The CEO is paid more than Alice because he is taller and has male reproductive body parts. Nothing can change that.
Alice says she is now the highest paid engineer in the department. Dilbert wonders if that's because she has a mallet, scissors and a reputation for violence.
The Boss describes why Dilbert is a perfect employee. He has good technical skills, perfect attendance, is too risk-averse to start his own company and no social life.
A co-worker notices Wally doesn't do much work. Wally replies there will be plenty of time to work when he's dead.
Wally asks the CEO to mentor him. The CEO agrees and Wally starts putting his feet up.
Wally asks the CEO to teach him how to make $25 million per year while adding no value to the company.
The CEO notices that Wally always acts the same no matter how much mentoring is going on.
Wally notices the CEO is more useless since the CEO started mentoring Wally.
Wally feels underpaid since the CEO started mentoring him.
Dilbert explains to the CEO why he deserves more than a three percent raise. Dogbert reads a media report about the CEO's lavish mansion.
Even though Wally is still useless, the CEO wants to promote him to vice president to show that mentoring works.
Catbert promotes Wally to vice president because the CEO has been mentoring him.
Wally is now the vice president of zombie projects. He is in charge of projects that can't succeed or be cancelled.
Now that Wally is vice president, Asok wants to be is lackey. So Asok carries Wally's coffee.
Vice president Wally rides Asok the coffee intern. That gets Wally demoted.
Dogbert, product designer, wants to annoy people for no reason. He wants so much packaging, people need a truck to haul it away.
The Boss says he doesn't need help to lose weight because he can lose it any time he wants. He chooses to be less healthy.
Dogbert says designing products means products that look good in his portfolio but are impossible to use.
Dogbert designs an operating system that spends all its time to beg for updates or need to be rebooted.
Before a meeting, Wally asks the Boss a complicated economics question. The Boss just wants to be left alone.
Wally's new hobby is to explain economics using babble talk. It sounds convincing.
Wally is promoted to chief economist because nothing he says makes sense. That's the sign of a great economist.
Wally, the new chief economist, tells the management what to expect in the next quarter. He babbles a lot of jargon.
The Boss wants to walk with Dilbert while they talk. Dilbert knows that means they won't get a chance to talk.
Tina interviews Wally, the chief economist, for the website. She doesn't understand him so invents some quotes from him.
Tina's interview with Wally, the chief economist, is on the website. She put together some jargon and called it Wally's forecast.