The universe is fill of strangeness and hidden dimensions so the Boss will never really know whether Wally completed his assignment.
Tip: You can download the DSI, which is the source for these strip descriptions. It's at the downloads page.
Dogbert starts an online marketplace for dumb criminals. When he has enough users he will steal all their bitcoins.
Alice says nothing is going right for her today. The Boss wishes he could have avoided her when she complains of problems.
The Boss feels as if all employees are complaining a lot today. Carol then compares the place to a skunk opera, and the Boss does not understand her analogy.
Dilbert believes he can increase his alpha dominance by using lots of space in the room. Topper then inflates his body like a puffer fish.
The Boss says their new product isn't selling well. The engineers say it's overpriced and buggy, not as good as their competitor's product, advertisements are misleading and racist and the product name reminds people of bodily fluids and death.
The Boss tells Dilbert to feel more passion for his job. Dilbert responds by yelling at the Boss to stop interrupting his work with management jargon.
The Boss announces the CEO has been injured when a trunk full of Rolex watches fell on him. Asok quips that time flies when you're having funds.
Catbert tells the Boss that he is now acting CEO until the regular CEO recovers from his Rolex accident. The Boss lets power go to his head.
The Boss tells Carol he is now temporary CEO and he is going to a C-level suite. He's also taking someone with him and Carol thinks it's her.
The Boss, who is acting CEO, asks Catbert what he is supposed to do in the job. Catbert responds eighty percent of the job is back-slapping and firing people.
The CEO confronts the Boss, who is acting-CEO, about his murdering employees, buying an unprofitable start-up, and embracing a new management fad. The CEO is jealous.
Dilbert complains to a psychologist no one "likes" any of his Facebook posts. She asks how many Facebook friends he has and if he's ever invited any of them to his house. Then she implants false memories in him.
Dilbert has a great idea. The Boss asks what kind of idea, a scoff-at kind, a steal kind, or the kind to double Dilbert's workload.
E-mail is down again and the only guy who can fix it is in the hospital.
At an interview, a candidate says his biggest accomplishment from his last job was to make some phone calls and stuff.
At an interview, the Boss says he's only allowed to ask questions that have been approved by Human Resources. And they haven't approved any yet.
The Boss asks Tina to write a company origin story. All the cool companies have them.
The Boss says the best advice he received was to be true to yourself. Dilbert says that doesn't really mean anything. Wally wonders what the worst advice was.
Tina says the engineers need to clean the refrigerator more often. There's mould in there that has become sentient.
The travel budget is frozen so the company can meet its income estimates for the quarter. Dilbert wonders if that's because all business travel is a waste, or the company no longer cares about long-term profitability.
Dilbert wants an exception to the travel freeze so he can fix a customer's problem. The Boss says no because financial targets are more important than customers.
Using people's names and giving insincere compliments will make Dilbert more likeable. It doesn't work on Wally.
Dilbert believes he can improve his likeability by showing he remembers things about people. For example, a co-worker goes to funerals dressed as a clown to keep things light.
Randy introduces himself to Dilbert. Dilbert can't shake hands and memorise names at the same time.
Randy introduces himself to Dilbert again. Dilbert doesn't remember the first time they met because he flushes unimportant information out of his mind.
The Boss asks Wally to write a new business strategy for the company, then allow the strategy to be stolen at a coffee shop over unsecured wi-fi.
The Boss asks Dilbert to write a business plan for their new line of products even though business plans are usually not accurate or useful.
Dilbert created a business plan. Alice's feed back was that it was a lumbering monument to incompetence, dishonesty and corporate dysfunction.
The Boss asks Dilbert to prepare PowerPoint slides for his investor meeting. Dilbert thinks it should amount to only one slide.