BFMartin.ca

Tip: You can download the DSI, which is the source for these strip descriptions. It's at the downloads page.

2017-08-01
The Boss has a stupid question. What happens to the ones and zeros when software is deleted.

2017-08-02
Dilbert completed his assignment but has no sense of accomplishment. It's like it doesn't matter after all.

2017-08-03
Dilbert spent most of the day creating slides no one will understand. Is he becoming like Wally?

2017-08-04
Dilbert vents about his job to Dogbert, then thanks him for listening so well. Dogbert was using wireless earbuds.

2017-08-05
Is Dogbert a good listener because he's using wireless earbuds? Dilbert is suspicious.

2017-08-06
Alice needs a new chair. She doesn't want to take Ted's though he was fired today. She'll find someone better to get fired then use that person's chair.

2017-08-07
The Boss asks Dilbert to not give data to Marketing. Dilbert says the Boss said the opposite yesterday and has a recording to prove it.

2017-08-08
Dilbert is happy to wear an employee body cam. He shows the Boss a video of him yesterday saying the opposite of what he said today. The Boss tries to delete the video.

2017-08-09
Dilbert's body cam recording shows the Boss contradicting himself eleven times today. The Boss says Dilbert's recording is interfering with his ability to manage.

2017-08-10
Dilbert's body cam recording shows Ted repeated his point twelve times. Maybe Ted can try saying something else instead. Ted says Dilbert is rude.

2017-08-11
Wally will be at his desk, pretending to work. Alice asks how long he expects to get away with that. Wally says he used to wonder the same thing.

2017-08-12
The Boss says he is cancelling their food service to save money. There isn't a food service. Everyone brings their own food. The Boss has been eating food from the fridge for seven years.

2017-08-13
Asok asks Wally how he drinks so much coffee yet stays so calm. Wally says he wears clothing designed to make dogs feel safe during thunderstorms.

2017-08-14
Focus groups don't like the new product idea. The Boss says that's OK because focus groups aren't reliable. Dilbert wonders why they pay for unreliable information.

2017-08-15
Wally offers to update the Boss with his accomplishments on the legacy system. The Boss declines because he likes to think about new things.

2017-08-16
Dogbert's Unreliable Research Company offers to tell the customer whatever they want to hear, thus being cheaper than regular research. The CEO says yes to that.

2017-08-17
The company's ideal customer is a male Olympian, between 120 and 145. There are no people in that group, and Dogbert offers to double that.

2017-08-18
Wally's strategy for meetings consists of criticising coworkers, offering no ideas of his own and leaving without any new tasks. He calls that winning.

2017-08-19
The Boss asks Dilbert how long to fix a bug. Dilbert isn't sure and the Boss asks for a random guess. Then the Boss says he will hold Dilbert to his guess.

2017-08-20
Catbert is studying for certification in human resources. He practices joyless scowling.

2017-08-21
Tina is to write the product warning section for the user guide. She will cover every possible danger.

2017-08-22
Tina has written hundreds of pages with no end in sight for the product warnings.

2017-08-23
The Boss suggests adding a product warning about overeating while using the product, even though the product has nothing to do with eating.

2017-08-24
The product warning page includes 19 pages about rabies because Tina wrote a warning about every animal.

2017-08-25
Tina needs to shorten the product warning from seven hundred pages down to one. Tina says no, so she and the Boss compromise on five hundred pages.

2017-08-26
Tina complains the Boss asked her to cut down her writing from 700 pages to 500. Dilbert thinks both of them are idiots.

2017-08-27
The Boss asks Wally to add a feature to the software. Wally says that will be outside the project scope and will make the project late and many other excuses to get out of doing the work.

2017-08-28
The company's stock is up 2%. The CEO brags he just made more money than Dilbert will earn in his life.

2017-08-29
Dilbert is named employee of the month. He gets twenty dollars and a pat on the head. He also has to do all the work to get his prize.

2017-08-30
Dilbert is assigned to a project that is co-managed by two vice presidents who hate each other. Dilbert is the blame-catcher.

2017-08-31
From the thirty thousand feet view, Alice reports that everything they do is meaningless. The Boss wonders how they know what to do.